i heart [realizing the world doesn't revolve around me]

I know children generally hit this around 4 or 5, but i seem to have missed some major development markers in early childhood.

For example, some major people in my life have (and are) moved far away from me in the past year. And I am upset that I am missing from having them in my life in a physical way. The announcement of a departure from eastern pa leaves me with the "What? No, you cant do that to me, its not possible" reaction. Which can't be that supporting to my friends. (Sorry guys). I try my best to cover up these feelings cause I know I am supposed to be happy for them, but there have been some major slip-ups in this recently (again, sorry).
Somehow, it took me till tonight to realize that maybe that these great people aren't doing something mean to effect my quality of life, but maybe they are doing it to improve the quality of theirs. And that while their decisions may effect my current "who am i hanging out with today" decisions, they dont have to affect our relationship or my feelings for them.

Cause seriously I love you guys. Even when I am terribly selfish and don't show it.

After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. -Carrie Bradshaw

i heart [imeem playlists]

Drag & drop playlists to go on the internet=Awesome.
This is my current one entitled "Shit that is stuck in my head: Feb 2008"
Highlights:
Adam Tensta "My Cool"- He is the Kanye of Sweden, and totally hot right now. I predict him blowing up this year.
The Blood Arm feat. Anais "Do I Have Your Attention"- There is something soo right about french music right now, and this is a bonus cause i can understand half the words. You cant sit still through this song, it demands you to dance.
The Ronettes "Be My Baby"- If I were to have anyone's voice it would be Ronnie's. She is amazing.
Young Love "Too Young to Fight It"- Every song by him just seems to be an anthem for the twenty-something club scene and is catchy as hell. His "Find a New Way" was featured in that MTV show about dancers, which, by the way, what happened to that? I miss the dramz.
Janet Jacksons New Album- is freaking amazing. every song. Particularly choice lyric: 'I'm heavy like a first day period.' How's that for a simile? also check out Miss Jackson with Missy Elliot. Hot.
Amy Winehouse "Tears Dry On Their Own"- Dear sweet God how I love a trainwreck. when one writes a amazing empowering breakup song, its just icing on the ratty beehive. And after her lovely dedication of her grammy to her hubby -Blake Incarcerated- I might even like her post-rehab.

i heart [Chris March]

NOoooOOO! Chris we loved you.
I am assuming that the judges did this just so Christian would have a clear shot at the gold.

Love Ya Betch!

i heart [FIERCE models]

The advent of the 10th cycle of ANTM reminded me of this paper i wrote in a sociology class in college:

Flashing lights, catwalks, and designer names are three things that come to mind when we think about the fashion world. What you probably picture first, however, is the super-tall, super-skinny super model. The super model is the archetype of the ideal women in contemporary culture. They are the women that every young girl, housewife and working woman is supposed to aspire to: above average height, below average weight, perfect hair, perfect teeth. By giving the average woman a specific model to look up to, the media is also telling women what is right and wrong. What is right is to have a cosmetically enhanced nose. What is wrong is to have small cheekbones. Furthermore, by having the super model as an ideal and putting her on a pedestal above other women solely because of her looks, the media is placing importance on the physical appearance rather than the emotions or intellects of an individual, thereby separating women into two groups: the beautiful-the socially right group; and everyone else-the group that is lacking.
Any dictionary finds the definition of beauty to mean very aesthetically pleasing to the mind. In no dictionary, however, is there a conclusive outline of what beauty is. From the definition, one can deduce that anything can be beautiful, as long as the mind thinks it is. The media, therefore, has to place an image of ideal beauty in our minds, which they do by continually bombarding us with images of the ‘correct’ version of beauty. When this ideal is placed in our minds, our reality is altered to a newer, media-enhanced reality.
A good example of this process of the change of personal identity through the influence of the media would be the CW television show “America’s Next Top Model” (ANTM) a weekly prime time ‘reality’ television show. The series, hosted by super model Tyra Banks, follows 12 models competing to win a grand prize of a contract with a top modeling agency and Covergirl cosmetics and a photo spread in a major magazine. Each week the girls participate in challenges to win shopping sprees, clothes, and dinners, while taking photographs that are judged at the end of the show by a panel of fashion industry professionals who eliminate one model they feel has the least potential. Every episode is an opportunity to show the contestants how to become more beautiful, while critiquing all of their physical features.
Near the beginning of the ANTM season, all of the contestants get a mandatory make over. This is to signify their transition from the ordinary to the super. What it represents to the contestants, as well as the audience, is that their image from the beginning of the program is not what is beautiful and desired. What is, is a completely opposite of version of themselves, which is inevitably what is proposed to them. The viewer therefore sees this symbol, and transfer it on themselves, so they see that they are imperfect the way they are, and are in need of improvement also.
After their make over, the girls participate in contests and take photos. Then at the end of the episode, the girls get on the catwalk and walk for the judges. The models in their position on the runway are elevated above everyone else, to show their dominant position in society. However, the actual dominating participants are the judges, that are placed in a row facing the runway. They are the ones that are observer, constantly critiquing the models. The judges are the people that are supposed to make the ultimate decision on who is the winner, so the contestants must play the part of who the judges want, in order to advance in the contest. The judges, in their constant critique of beauty, every week find something new that is wrong with each girl. One day a model is criticized for not having her hair pulled back, the next week they may tell her she should have worn it down. This criticism is to signify that the girls are always out of the reach for beauty, they are always needing to do more to become beautiful.
At the end of the ANTM program, a screen after the credits says that the judges may have had input from the producers to make their decision. This screen blows away the idea of the judges being the ultimate power of the show. What is revealed at the end of the program is that the judges picking models to win is just an illusion, that the whole event of the perceived competition between the models can be planned out in advance by the production company. The producers can tell the judges how to vote based on what they want the viewers to see, being the ultimate decision on between what is real beauty, and what is not. For example, in the third season, called a “cycle”, there was the only plus size model in ANTM history, Toccara Jones, who was eliminated for not being able to keep up with the competition, yet she was voted the viewers favorite five times during the beginning of the cycle. This shows that even though the audience may want a women that looks more like them, at least in size, the producers are unwilling to shed outputting their vision of beauty, of a beautiful women needing to be thin, into the program.
In looking at the producers you need to see who they are and who influences them to make decisions the way they do. The executive producer is the host and judge, Tyra Banks. Since a producer of the show is on the panel of judges, it is easy to see how the producers influence the other judges. Banks, along with being a model and a producer, also has another daytime talk show, The Tyra Banks Show, on the same network. In Bignell’s Media Semiotics, he discusses the tie-ins in the film industry and here there is no difference. The CW network has an overall say in the ANTM program, as well as The Tyra Banks Show, so both shows, along with every show on the CW, have the overall look, and give the same message to the viewers. In fact, contestants of ANTM have also appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, as well as Veronica Mars and One Tree Hill, other CW shows. The production company is sending out the universal message twenty four hours a day then, that these next top models are what is the ideal look of beauty is.
This can easily be related to the film The Truman Show directed by Peter Weir, with the character Cristof, who is the director and creator of the show that is portrayed in the film. In the movie, Jim Carrey plays Truman, a man who is unknowingly the star of a reality tv show. Even though the whole show is supposed to be Truman’s life 24 hours a day, his life is all set up by Christof and the production team. At the end of the film, when Truman figures out that his life is a reality show, yet not a reality, he asks Christof who he is. Christof replies “ I am the Creator-of a reality tv show...” This entices Truman to ask who he is, to which Christof replies “You’re the star.” Even though as Christof says Truman is the star of the show, Christof’s admission of being the “Creator” signifies that he is really the god-like authority of the show, really the star, much like the producers of ANTM are the stars of the show, because they decide who will be on the show, what form of beauty will be emphasized and who will win the show.
Even with all those powers, the production company is not the highest authority on the show. What funds the production company, is the show’s sponsors, and since they are the financial backing to the show, they have a say what goes on in the show as well. For instance, in The Truman Show, all the food Truman eats and the products that he buys are placed in his world as an advertisement to the consumers that are viewing the program, and Truman’s wife is often zoomed in on during the show to give a product endorsement of whatever she has brought home from the store. Similarly, on ANTM, the girls compete for a grand prize that is given by their sponsors Covergirl cosmetics and Seventeen magazine. This fact is mentioned twice, once at the beginning of the show, and once before the judging at the end of the show to remind the viewers and the models of the sponsorship. Also, the makeup products featured during the show are Covergirl and a lot of the guest judges are from Covergirl and Seventeen. In Media Semiotics. Bignell mentions product “tie-ins.” In the first paragraph on page 182, Bignell discusses the importance of tie-ins to a film because it helps viewers to “buy into the social meaning of the film”. Similarly, with the ANTM showing products of beauty enhancement, an audience can assume that this show is about the making women beautiful and will inspire the viewer that they too can become beautiful like the stars in the show by using these products that are shown on the tv.

Obviously, this was written for my prof that hated 'the man' and does not reflect my personal views persay. I f*ckin love Miss Jay!

i heart [being anti-scene]

*note: stripe-shirt kid on right is now a black dude. i forgot to take a photo, and this is an old one

So Erin and I headed over to the North Star Bar in Brewerytown to see Houston Calls. The bar is really nice, as I am down with any place that has a giant Buddha in it (hello: Buddahkan and my apartment). Besides the random asian culture, the bar also is the total scene atmosphere: import brews, tight pants, and asymmetrical haircuts abound. The best/worst thing about seeing a concert (I'm sorry if you are scene, please read that as "show") there is you are standing next to the musicians in the audience half the time, except that everyone else is dressed like them so they don't really stand out.
I consider myself a trendy person, reading style.com, the sartorialist and Vogue is the closest thing I come to having a religion, so I can get the whole "dress to impress" part of being a scenekid (ok, everything but the eyebrow ring-even Fergie took hers out people-they are OVER) and I love the music, but something about the scene in general is so off-putting. I think it's cause I feel like you always have to impress people with how much obscure shit you know, how many "shows" you go to, and how much you accessorize. That is just to much for me. I like watching Lipstick Jungle, and I know more about the Jonas Brothers than most 12 year olds (and definitely more than I know about any scene band), none of which is making me any friends at these concerts. Which I think is just a little sad, cause I think (and I am putting words into people's mouth's here) that the bands want all kinds of people to connect with their music & come together at "shows". Of course I am just at fault for looking down on the scene in general, but hey, what can I say? Lip rings freak me out.

Good points not mentioned:
-Okie, the keyboardist (probably not a word) from Houston Calls has the most amazing stage presence ever. He is all finger-pointing, keyboard-slamming, lip-syncing, lyrical-dancing manic fun. I'm sure the rest of the band is good too, I just couldn't stop staring at him. Sadly meeting him later was thwarted by a pack of 15 yr old girls and my inability to wait more than 20 seconds in a line. Next time though, I will totally meet my asain soul mate (is that creepy?).
-Some girl was wearing louboutin shoes. But we were in philly, in a dive bar, so I am assuming they are fakes of some sort (my apologies to the lucky girl if they are). I am considering painting red sole on a pair of my shoes though after seeing hers. They really take an outfit to a whole other level of sex.

i heart [Pop Sensations]

How psyched am I about the reunion of NKOTB? I am definitely going to be rocking these while I jam to "Step-by-Step" during their tour:

Although, just thinking about them, makes me a little sad that I didn't get to see Spice Girls in philly last week.
While their levels of talent and musical skill are usually suspect, I can not deny loving about 90% of pop music. Who can resist ridiculously cheesy lyrics and catchy hooks?

Some of my favorite Pop songs now:
1. "S.O.S." by Jonas Brothers (the next time i see you i am giving you a high five, cause hugs are overrated, just a fyi)
2. "Tell Me What to Do" by Metro Station (Girl, tell me what to dooo, I'm so in love, whoa-oh, so in love with you, you, you)
3. "Body Language" by Heidi Montag (that whole song is friggin ridiculous)
4. "He Said, She Said" by Ashley Tisdale (Girl playing it cool but she's ready, She loving the fact she's gifted)
5. "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus (My best friend Leslie said "oh she's just being Miley")

i heart [buying my own jewelery]

Some days, I feel like such a big loser. Not really cause I am single- I can see why my relationships shouldn't of worked out, but because I think that I am a good girlfriend and these jerks are the ones who break my heart. wtf? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Furthermore, I see people in relationships treating their partner bad, and they never get broken up with. This seems to happen ALL THE TIME.
I think I get this from my mom. We were talking about how we were never the girls to get jewelery from boyfriends. And my mother said:
"Not like its a bad thing. All my girlfriends who got jewelery either demanded from their bfs that they get it or were given it cause their bf 'owed' it to them."
So its kinda like that. I can be a loving, caring girlfriend, that isn't overbearing or jealous, that doesn't expect or demand a man to change for her, doesn't flip out when he doesn't want to go to the movies cause he's sick, doesn't bad mouth friends or family, says what she wants and needs instead of crying about not getting it, doesn't cheat or even want/try to, I put out (sorry mom), I'm good looking, smart and relatively witty & fun i didn't put on pressure to get married or move too fast and what do I get in return? A breakup and no jewelry. Fan-tastic.
And it does bother me that those ex's have girlfriends and wives(gross). I bet even the hairless wonder has a serious gf (heck he coulda been married, whatever). It's not necessarily cause I want to get married soon or even be in a long term relationship (I'm obviously not ready for one-ha) but i should have men -or rather the men I've had should- want to be with me. Right?


Anyway, I can be content being single, and I did find the most FIERCE gold bicentennial coin-turned into a necklace at the AIDS thrift on Bainbridge.
Kinda like this, but shinier: